“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

Delving into the gossip and news of my Facebook wall this morning, while I sipped my vanilla latte, I was not surprised to see that my home country had made the news again, for something far from the 1995 Rugby World Cup Mandela story. Zuma had made the headlines because of his upcoming nuptials to his 6^th wife. (Zuma News Story) Polygyny in South Africa is legal and very much part of the Zulu culture, where it has been used to create political alliances and reinforce the perception of power for a tribe’s leader throughout history. It got me thinking, even though polygyny is not a common practice in western cultures, its concept is not completely unfamiliar.

I was on Skype the other day with a few of my girlfriends from around the globe and as always we were discussing our male counterparts with much gusto. I was surprised to uncover something from our discussions.  A common practice that which men have only partaken in in the past seems to be fast becoming the norm for the modern woman. It seems that the era where only men fraternize with multiple partners and eschew the mundanity of a girlfriend or wife for as long as possible has come to an end. Due to the increasing number of empowered women and lessening of the suitable gentlemen or ideal partner, women are engaging in the same dating tactics that men have been renown for throughout history.

Women have been expected to be vigilant of their virtue and maintain the sexual morality of a nun in times past. Not something I completely disagree with in this day and age where pregnancies, STDs and even riskier illnesses are so rife amongst the young. However, it led to a limited frame of mind when it came to the dating scene where women only reserved themselves for one gentleman to see where that romance led before putting their heart back together and trying again with the next suitor. Men had the benefit of society not looking upon them with a condemning eye if they were to ‘sew their seed’. Rather it was advantageous for them as they were seen as a ‘stud’ to bed so many ‘lucky’ ladies.

So, post discussions with my friends, I took it upon myself to investigate this new approach by women. I was very pleasantly surprised to hear from quite a few ladies that they are of the same mindset. Traditionalist thinking where women only date one person at a time and go through the rigmarole of “courting” has flown the coop and we are left with an even playing field amongst the sexes. It’s now not unusual for women these days to have 3 or 4 dates a week, maybe even two in one day.

I find the thought that women are not waiting to be asked out on a date but proactively going out and making it happen for themselves liberating. Why the hell not. I have been of the same mind for quite some time and only recently since coming to Sydney have felt that it wasn’t tabooed to do so. I think men are luckier for it, not as much pressure from the girl for something to happen after every date and just the general attitude that men can just get to know someone over dinner and have some fun without the thought that women are thinking the may be the next long term boyfriend. 


So… happy dating all, and ladies, good on ya Sheilas!

"Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing" ~ Ally McBeal

Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and Arial were my childhood companions. I cherished the moments I spent with them; long hours of listening and learning from those idyllic women who comforted and lulled me off to sleep with their melodic voices. I adored them as only a rosy-cheeked child, devoid of the taints of the world, could. Yet… I sit now and think how much have we been affected by these fairytales? Not from the idea of magic, beasts and fairies but because of the inept ability to prepare us for the real world.

Prince Eric and Hercules

Every girl dreams of her ‘Prince Charming’, whether he be fair of face, strong of body or sharp of mind, we all search for that ‘perfect’ man. But the question I ask is, are we setting ourselves up for disappointment? I am not saying not to have high expectations, this is a must, but whether having that eternal soul mate objective leads more to a disheartened princess ever waiting for her knight to save her from her distinctive peril.

I bring this up as lately I have found several princes… in parts. One was kind, the other considerate, there was a good-looking royal, a crowned monarch with a taste for laughter and spontaneity and then there was the king of brains. BUT none of these were found in one specific male. Prince Kind was idiotic, Prince Handsome was arrogant and conceited, Prince Fun was unreliable and Prince Wise was far from fare.

Of course Hollywood and Disney groom their male leads to the point of glisteningly perfection. Model ready for that pedestal that we place so many unobtainable heartthrobs on. Without meaning to though, we carry that need for perfection through to our every day male desires. Only to come up disappointed by what we cant find.

I have very few friends that are happily married with their one true love and many whom have settled because the longevity of the relationship became comfort, comfort became normality and normality became stability for them. Are they happy? I think content (dare I say bored) may be a better way of describing them. A few years ago I turned my nose up at this approach to relationships but now I question it as possibly better choice.

Does holding out for the man of our dreams mean we risk becoming the old cat lady on the 6^th floor with only our own regrets to keep us company on the cold winter nights? The alternative would be Samantha from Sex in the city, successful and never shy of a partner on those chilly evenings. Neither one appeals to me very much but it does make me question whether the pursuit for perfection is undoubtedly the quest for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And idea. A fairytale. One with which we toy with, but one that never really solidifies.

All those boxes that we look to be ticked by the ideal male will never be filled. Whether he is the ultimate sports god, so good looking a mirror melts or is the next Einstein, there will be something wrong with him. Finding a good looking guy who is sensitive, caring, considerate, mucho, athletic, intelligent, great in the sack and puts you first is, lets be honest, just not going to happen. So… what means more to you in a partner? If he wakes you up every morning with your favourite tea and rubs your aching feet every night but is a terrible lover with appalling dress sense and health habits that even pigs would raise their eyes at, will he do? Or what about a guy who treats you well and that spoils you rotten but has no career and has a knack for always getting into trouble when he goes out? I guess it comes down to what are you willing to compromise on. Mr. Average or Mr. Good at some things but terrible at others.  Do we run the risk of never finding Mr. Right and settling for Mr. You’ll do? I’ll let you know… 

It Doesn't Just Happen In the Movies

You sigh a deep breath of relief as you close your door after your initial date with that special or not so fabulous someone. First date jitters conquered, relatively unscathed and stomach muscles slightly tender after recounting the antics of several of the less then chivalrous partners that roam the single club of Sydney! (See previous post)

So we finally get to the moment/day/week when you invite them over. It's almost just as stressful and nerve racking as the first date, as there is more onus on you now to impress whereas the first date can be more weighted towards the male, depending on the man in question.

You furiously flick through all the things to cater for. House tidy, legs shaved, bedroom clean, toenails painted (let's be honest who walks around with shoes on in their own home), cue scrabble for pronto pedicure, checking of hair, makeup and breath, matching underwear just in case (running around looking for that one set of knickers that makes your ass pop) and whether to light candles or just play atmospheric music in the background. 

From my perspective I have learned to worry, not about whether he likes my ‘feng shui’ placement of my furniture, but whether he may feel inclined to help himself to my bathroom toiletries or start getting undressed randomly! Here is where my fear originates…

Fledgling relationship, several dates and mainly day activities, we had both become fairly comfortable with each other, so I invited him over one Sunday to watch movies. Still gut- wrenchingly nerve wracking if you like the person! Midway through, he goes to the bathroom. For an extremely long time! I clocked it at about 30 minutes or so. I start to imagine ‘Along came Polly’ or ‘Dumb and Dumber’ toilet antics, as I hesitantly walk down the hallway and then turn back. I decide to risk it and quietly pad towards the bathroom. I hear the shower running and turn around. I don’t have the guts to knock on the door and ask him if everything is all right. After this embarrassingly long time, the guy emerges, freshly showered, with a cheeky grin on his face. I try to hide my anxiety and slightly perturbed emotions as I ask if he is well. He sits down and proceeds to tell me that he had gotten the urge to shower and use MY razor to "trim" himself down there. His words were, "By trim I mean, bald eagle baby!"  I was absolutely flabbergasted! I queried him as to why he had suddenly got the itch that needed to be scratched right then and there (halfway through a movie remember)! He replies, “No reason, never done it before and thought it would be fun!” I actually think my jaw may have fallen to the floor at this point! He left shortly afterwards as I think he may have correctly read my absolute horror stricken visage! Give him his due though; there wasn't a trace of evidence in my shower. I disposed of the razor and had a chuckle to myself as that boy was in for a few days of torture after his impulsive act. As any male knows, if you shave that area it itches like hell for about a week! That will teach him a lesson! 

Another was technically not a first time invitee but this story is so humorous I had to throw it in here. We had been dating for about a month, it was very laid back and we hung out more often then getting actually physical. We didn't have, what you would call, a very affectionate relationship. No cuddling on the couch or holding hands, neither of us was overtly touchy-feely with the other. A night of good television and dinner was planned on a frosty winters evening, blankets mounted on all sides and 3/4 of the way through the film, nothing was done or said to give me any indication of what was about to come out of his mouth! He turns to me and says, "I've unzipped my pants, how's about a blowie?" Sorry what?????? I am sorry, but no male in his right mind has got to think that works? Really?! I'm not going to elaborate on the profanities that came out of my mouth but let me tell you that 'gentleman' scrabbled so quickly out of my house he left his wallet and one shoe behind. To not sound like a prude, I'm all up for a bit of fun, but prep the engine before going full throttle into a risky maneuver! 

Lastly, my all time favourite, which had me and my girlfriends rolling, literally, on the floor for hours! To set the scene: He's American and we had been drinking all day at a festival. We finally made our way home with a bottle of wine to relax and unwind. We had been to his first and to several house parties along the way. We get to mine and he turns to me and tells me he is going to go put his “jammies on”! I thought to myself that I had either heard him wrong or he had made a joke and was just going to change out of his day clothes. I was very very wrong. He came out in his pajamas. Bright red basketball shorts and an almost luminous purple t-shirt. I laughed so hard I couldn't breath, there were actual tears. “First time over at a girls and you put those on”, was roughly what I managed to squeeze out!. That is probably the leading way to kill any potential sexy time! He took it in good stride and was actually more perplexed as to how I didn't love his attire. To this day he is still called jammie boy! 

Not your average contenders to the couch throne of hanging out. I do wonder what goes through their mind when they enter a girl’s door. Entertaining at least and great conversation starters when you are out with the girls.