It Doesn't Just Happen In the Movies

You sigh a deep breath of relief as you close your door after your initial date with that special or not so fabulous someone. First date jitters conquered, relatively unscathed and stomach muscles slightly tender after recounting the antics of several of the less then chivalrous partners that roam the single club of Sydney! (See previous post)

So we finally get to the moment/day/week when you invite them over. It's almost just as stressful and nerve racking as the first date, as there is more onus on you now to impress whereas the first date can be more weighted towards the male, depending on the man in question.

You furiously flick through all the things to cater for. House tidy, legs shaved, bedroom clean, toenails painted (let's be honest who walks around with shoes on in their own home), cue scrabble for pronto pedicure, checking of hair, makeup and breath, matching underwear just in case (running around looking for that one set of knickers that makes your ass pop) and whether to light candles or just play atmospheric music in the background. 

From my perspective I have learned to worry, not about whether he likes my ‘feng shui’ placement of my furniture, but whether he may feel inclined to help himself to my bathroom toiletries or start getting undressed randomly! Here is where my fear originates…

Fledgling relationship, several dates and mainly day activities, we had both become fairly comfortable with each other, so I invited him over one Sunday to watch movies. Still gut- wrenchingly nerve wracking if you like the person! Midway through, he goes to the bathroom. For an extremely long time! I clocked it at about 30 minutes or so. I start to imagine ‘Along came Polly’ or ‘Dumb and Dumber’ toilet antics, as I hesitantly walk down the hallway and then turn back. I decide to risk it and quietly pad towards the bathroom. I hear the shower running and turn around. I don’t have the guts to knock on the door and ask him if everything is all right. After this embarrassingly long time, the guy emerges, freshly showered, with a cheeky grin on his face. I try to hide my anxiety and slightly perturbed emotions as I ask if he is well. He sits down and proceeds to tell me that he had gotten the urge to shower and use MY razor to "trim" himself down there. His words were, "By trim I mean, bald eagle baby!"  I was absolutely flabbergasted! I queried him as to why he had suddenly got the itch that needed to be scratched right then and there (halfway through a movie remember)! He replies, “No reason, never done it before and thought it would be fun!” I actually think my jaw may have fallen to the floor at this point! He left shortly afterwards as I think he may have correctly read my absolute horror stricken visage! Give him his due though; there wasn't a trace of evidence in my shower. I disposed of the razor and had a chuckle to myself as that boy was in for a few days of torture after his impulsive act. As any male knows, if you shave that area it itches like hell for about a week! That will teach him a lesson! 

Another was technically not a first time invitee but this story is so humorous I had to throw it in here. We had been dating for about a month, it was very laid back and we hung out more often then getting actually physical. We didn't have, what you would call, a very affectionate relationship. No cuddling on the couch or holding hands, neither of us was overtly touchy-feely with the other. A night of good television and dinner was planned on a frosty winters evening, blankets mounted on all sides and 3/4 of the way through the film, nothing was done or said to give me any indication of what was about to come out of his mouth! He turns to me and says, "I've unzipped my pants, how's about a blowie?" Sorry what?????? I am sorry, but no male in his right mind has got to think that works? Really?! I'm not going to elaborate on the profanities that came out of my mouth but let me tell you that 'gentleman' scrabbled so quickly out of my house he left his wallet and one shoe behind. To not sound like a prude, I'm all up for a bit of fun, but prep the engine before going full throttle into a risky maneuver! 

Lastly, my all time favourite, which had me and my girlfriends rolling, literally, on the floor for hours! To set the scene: He's American and we had been drinking all day at a festival. We finally made our way home with a bottle of wine to relax and unwind. We had been to his first and to several house parties along the way. We get to mine and he turns to me and tells me he is going to go put his “jammies on”! I thought to myself that I had either heard him wrong or he had made a joke and was just going to change out of his day clothes. I was very very wrong. He came out in his pajamas. Bright red basketball shorts and an almost luminous purple t-shirt. I laughed so hard I couldn't breath, there were actual tears. “First time over at a girls and you put those on”, was roughly what I managed to squeeze out!. That is probably the leading way to kill any potential sexy time! He took it in good stride and was actually more perplexed as to how I didn't love his attire. To this day he is still called jammie boy! 

Not your average contenders to the couch throne of hanging out. I do wonder what goes through their mind when they enter a girl’s door. Entertaining at least and great conversation starters when you are out with the girls.