“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

Delving into the gossip and news of my Facebook wall this morning, while I sipped my vanilla latte, I was not surprised to see that my home country had made the news again, for something far from the 1995 Rugby World Cup Mandela story. Zuma had made the headlines because of his upcoming nuptials to his 6^th wife. (Zuma News Story) Polygyny in South Africa is legal and very much part of the Zulu culture, where it has been used to create political alliances and reinforce the perception of power for a tribe’s leader throughout history. It got me thinking, even though polygyny is not a common practice in western cultures, its concept is not completely unfamiliar.

I was on Skype the other day with a few of my girlfriends from around the globe and as always we were discussing our male counterparts with much gusto. I was surprised to uncover something from our discussions.  A common practice that which men have only partaken in in the past seems to be fast becoming the norm for the modern woman. It seems that the era where only men fraternize with multiple partners and eschew the mundanity of a girlfriend or wife for as long as possible has come to an end. Due to the increasing number of empowered women and lessening of the suitable gentlemen or ideal partner, women are engaging in the same dating tactics that men have been renown for throughout history.

Women have been expected to be vigilant of their virtue and maintain the sexual morality of a nun in times past. Not something I completely disagree with in this day and age where pregnancies, STDs and even riskier illnesses are so rife amongst the young. However, it led to a limited frame of mind when it came to the dating scene where women only reserved themselves for one gentleman to see where that romance led before putting their heart back together and trying again with the next suitor. Men had the benefit of society not looking upon them with a condemning eye if they were to ‘sew their seed’. Rather it was advantageous for them as they were seen as a ‘stud’ to bed so many ‘lucky’ ladies.

So, post discussions with my friends, I took it upon myself to investigate this new approach by women. I was very pleasantly surprised to hear from quite a few ladies that they are of the same mindset. Traditionalist thinking where women only date one person at a time and go through the rigmarole of “courting” has flown the coop and we are left with an even playing field amongst the sexes. It’s now not unusual for women these days to have 3 or 4 dates a week, maybe even two in one day.

I find the thought that women are not waiting to be asked out on a date but proactively going out and making it happen for themselves liberating. Why the hell not. I have been of the same mind for quite some time and only recently since coming to Sydney have felt that it wasn’t tabooed to do so. I think men are luckier for it, not as much pressure from the girl for something to happen after every date and just the general attitude that men can just get to know someone over dinner and have some fun without the thought that women are thinking the may be the next long term boyfriend. 


So… happy dating all, and ladies, good on ya Sheilas!

"Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing" ~ Ally McBeal

Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and Arial were my childhood companions. I cherished the moments I spent with them; long hours of listening and learning from those idyllic women who comforted and lulled me off to sleep with their melodic voices. I adored them as only a rosy-cheeked child, devoid of the taints of the world, could. Yet… I sit now and think how much have we been affected by these fairytales? Not from the idea of magic, beasts and fairies but because of the inept ability to prepare us for the real world.

Prince Eric and Hercules

Every girl dreams of her ‘Prince Charming’, whether he be fair of face, strong of body or sharp of mind, we all search for that ‘perfect’ man. But the question I ask is, are we setting ourselves up for disappointment? I am not saying not to have high expectations, this is a must, but whether having that eternal soul mate objective leads more to a disheartened princess ever waiting for her knight to save her from her distinctive peril.

I bring this up as lately I have found several princes… in parts. One was kind, the other considerate, there was a good-looking royal, a crowned monarch with a taste for laughter and spontaneity and then there was the king of brains. BUT none of these were found in one specific male. Prince Kind was idiotic, Prince Handsome was arrogant and conceited, Prince Fun was unreliable and Prince Wise was far from fare.

Of course Hollywood and Disney groom their male leads to the point of glisteningly perfection. Model ready for that pedestal that we place so many unobtainable heartthrobs on. Without meaning to though, we carry that need for perfection through to our every day male desires. Only to come up disappointed by what we cant find.

I have very few friends that are happily married with their one true love and many whom have settled because the longevity of the relationship became comfort, comfort became normality and normality became stability for them. Are they happy? I think content (dare I say bored) may be a better way of describing them. A few years ago I turned my nose up at this approach to relationships but now I question it as possibly better choice.

Does holding out for the man of our dreams mean we risk becoming the old cat lady on the 6^th floor with only our own regrets to keep us company on the cold winter nights? The alternative would be Samantha from Sex in the city, successful and never shy of a partner on those chilly evenings. Neither one appeals to me very much but it does make me question whether the pursuit for perfection is undoubtedly the quest for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And idea. A fairytale. One with which we toy with, but one that never really solidifies.

All those boxes that we look to be ticked by the ideal male will never be filled. Whether he is the ultimate sports god, so good looking a mirror melts or is the next Einstein, there will be something wrong with him. Finding a good looking guy who is sensitive, caring, considerate, mucho, athletic, intelligent, great in the sack and puts you first is, lets be honest, just not going to happen. So… what means more to you in a partner? If he wakes you up every morning with your favourite tea and rubs your aching feet every night but is a terrible lover with appalling dress sense and health habits that even pigs would raise their eyes at, will he do? Or what about a guy who treats you well and that spoils you rotten but has no career and has a knack for always getting into trouble when he goes out? I guess it comes down to what are you willing to compromise on. Mr. Average or Mr. Good at some things but terrible at others.  Do we run the risk of never finding Mr. Right and settling for Mr. You’ll do? I’ll let you know…