Dating Faux Pas

Undeniably there is something almost childlike in the joy and excitement we get when we are about to embark on a night out where it is a First Date. Reminiscent of what Christmas felt like when we were young enough to still believe there was a Santa Clause and leave cookies out on the windowsill for St Nick to feast on, while he left all your childhood dreams under the tree.

Most of us try a million outfits, reapply our make up an infinite number of times, Facebook stalk him to see how hot he really is, reread messages/emails from/to him, alleviate our worry by chatting incessantly to our friends about where you are going, what he’s like and how you think it will go. And then there are some of us that feel actually nauseous just before we walk into the place of rendezvous.

 

I’m no stranger to first dates, but recently I’ve been both amazed and appalled at just how far away men have strayed from what used to be the standard courtesies of a date. Chivalry isn’t dead; it is just not common practice in Sydney, if these dates are anything to go by. So if you’re looking to avoid getting a second date, here’s some tips from Sydney Singleton’s diary.

Date Number One:  Pukey Pokie Boy

It never ceases to amaze me when good-looking boys assume that their faces will excuse what emits from their mouths. In this case, a very well dressed lad with an impressive job and looks that almost made me lightheaded told me over dinner how he vomits in pokie machines when he’s drunk. And showed me what he looks like doing it. Needless to say, I didn’t find that very enticing.

Date Number Two: Smoothie Pass, Tight Ass

I had set up a first date with a boy who seemed promising. Having had a very active night previously, I had already consumed two coffees and was feeling slightly under the weather. We had agreed to get a Boost smoothie and sit on the beach. When we meet, he informs me that his funds were in an online account and his access pin/card was in the Blue Mountains and he only had $10 to his name. So we had to get a small coffee instead. Nothing says ‘I’m a good catch’ like being penniless and unreliable. Reschedule rather, than arrive with moths in your wallet!

Date Number Three: Wet Fish Wonder

They say the way to a woman’s heart is through diamonds. I don’t disagree with this statement but I do think it starts with something a little simpler then that! A kiss. If you kiss like a wet fish that has soggy sponges for lips, then that’s pretty much a deal breaker.

Date Number Four: Bromance Bruce

Certain careers allow for limited extra curriculum activities if you’re a boy who is based on a work site with a bunch of lads, I can imagine your day gets a bit tedious. However, it’s a little bit like prison – what’s acceptable in one environment doesn’t translate into another. Don’t go on about your drunken mate Bruce who apparently “Gets naked and does that dance when he jiggles his thingy around…. That helicopter dance thing!” all night. Firstly, you look like an idiot in front of girl who doesn’t give two hoots about your drunken court jester of a mate. Secondly, it demonstrates that, at the age of 34, you find these kinds of Adam Sandler-ish antics amusing.

Date Number Five: Dinner Date Deluxe

I don’t know about you, but if a lady is asked out to dinner by the opposite sex, for the first time, it is fairly well assumed that the man will pay. Feminists may disagree, but I don’t believe this is about gender roles, but more a show that the gentleman in question wants to treat the lady, rather than assuming she can’t afford to pay. I am not condemning men who don’t offer this courtesy but for me, this is something I think is just the mark of a gentleman. On this particular occasion, we went to a nondescript Italian restaurant and shared two main meals over one glass of wine each. I am not talking Jamie Oliver’s fine dining experience, just a pizza and a drink. When the bill arrived I offered whether he would like me to contribute at all, I always do, as it is polite (and it’s a good test). I was quite surprised when his reply was, “Yes you can contribute.” I immediately thought maybe I had misread the intelligent, witty conversation and laughter we had shared. Maybe this was more of a friendly catch-up. Or it was a date that had gone so wrong that the guy in question balked at even buying me a pizza. I consented without even a hint of this concern and we left. I continued to chat amicably through our 10 minute walk through the city and was nearly knocked off my feet with the lines, ‘Can I entice you to a night cap?” I literally was shocked to a stand still.  I politely declined and made for the nearest train station. I was particularly surprised because the boy in question works in investment banking, had pursued a dinner date for some time and still had the audacity to text me later and say, “I wish you were here in my bed!” The cheek! He later that week text me and asked if I had blocked him from looking at my pics on Facebook (Which I hadn’t). Sometimes, the little slip-ups are clues to larger failings!

Date Number Six: My Valentines Boy

Although my actual Valentines night wasn’t spent with this young man, he did however pull it out of the bag with a rose and a present dropped at my house and then a fabulous Argentinian dinner on Thursday. He picked me up in a cab, ordered all the things he knew I liked and conversation was both amusing and gentlemanly. One of the best dates since being in Sydney. So not all of them are bad eggs. 

I read the following about Barack Obama’s first date with Michelle the other day. – “I treated her to the finest ice cream Baskin-Robbins had to offer, our dinner table doubling as the curb. I kissed her, and it tasted like chocolate.”

It doesn’t take fine wine and an exclusive restaurant to show a girl you care. Just fine manors and the foresight to make sure you have enough cash to buy a girl a smoothie. As we progress as a species and develop our capacity to learn and develop intellectually, do we lose the traditions that we once held so true? In an age where social conventions and etiquette continue to recede, it’s a sad state of affairs that so few standards remain when it comes to being a gentleman in the dating world.