Collect and Select Without the Baggage

Don’t you love the ladies' toilet  when you are on a night out? Social barriers crumble and we become BFFs in 5 minutes! Lipsticks are shared, hairbrushes borrowed and tips about men fly from every cubicle! Nothing is sacred and for those few minutes, it’s almost acceptable to talk to complete strangers about your inner heart’s dilemmas.

The other night, my friend and I were in the toilets at the Establishment (http://merivale.com.au/establishmentbar/), and we were accosted by one such female patron. She fell in love with my GF’s trendy apparel (http://withlovefroml.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/friends-come-and-go-but-for-precious.html). Like any other female conversation, it inevitably led to the topic of men and post, present and potentials were all discussed. This woman’s theory was, have many options and make a few select choices from the group. Collect and Select. We loved it! Her honest, no BS, simplistic view that men were there to be acquired like coins and then put to good use when you had selected which ones you wanted to save or discard, was refreshing and hilarious.

The problem is most women fall too easily and can’t distance themselves from their feelings. This is due to a hormone called Oxytocin, which is the reason why women get so clingy after sex: “women's brains differ from men's brains. Women have more oxytocin and vasopressin, brain chemicals that promote bonding, and attachments; whereas men have more testosterone, a brain chemical that promotes action and sex. As a result, women like to talk and process things emotionally, whereas men like to do things” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-doc/201110/shes-just-too-needy).  

So here are 10 things not to do so you can have a little fun without the inevitable heartache that comes with getting attached:

10 Things - How Not To Like Them

1.                             Never imagine your future with him

Girls love to fast forward. They imagine romantic getaways, intimate dinners, sleepy Sundays with movies and cuddles. DON’T! Let me tell you, guys NEVER think about this. Unless he is one of rare finds that have hit that ‘I’m ready to settle down’ phase (1 in a 100), he is never going to be thinking about you in your sweats, eating pizza and watching a romcom on the first few dates. Just look at him as exactly what he is, a fun-filled activity for that night or day and that’s it! 

2.                             Don’t see him more than once a week

Women grow attached far quicker than men do and this is escalated by multiple meet over a short period of time. You’ll find that after a few days of no contact, the novelty and excitement of the date wears off and you are content to just be and not over analyse the previous or next date, which is more than a couple of days away. Or obsess about when he is next going to contact you.

3.                             Don’t expect him to call/text

If you go into it with your eyes wide open and know that your overall objective is to have fun and not jump into a relationship, then you don’t want to speak to him for a few days. Even if he texts, remember this is not a relationship, so reply (don’t be rude), but leave it at that. No question at the end, engaging him to text back and forth. Just reply, say thanks, good to see him and catch up soon. Also, if he doesn’t text, you aren’t completely shredded because you didn’t expect it, and the power and your pride stays in your control.  

4.                             Don’t call/text him every day or even several times a week

If you do want to see him again (for purely fun and no strings attached reasons), don’t text several times a week. Text him when you want to meet up, make the plans and then leave it. Front of mind means emotions are involved. Quickly thought about and quickly forgotten is the aim.   

5.                             Don’t introduce him to your group

Not only does this reek, “I want you to be my boyfriend”, but it’s also a sure way of disclosing to the world that you are falling for him. Keep him to yourself, why share the fun? A few friends is fine, as it means you can go out and be social but be careful of inviting him to a BBQ with your whole network there.  If he is a mutual friend, then you treat him like every other mate. No difference.

6.                             Don’t invite him around for Sunday couch times

Sundays are the most depressing day of the week. More than likely you’re tired after a heavy weekend of socialising and are man down with pre-Monday blues, especially during the cold months of winter. DO NOT, I repeat, do not invite him over because you are feeling vulnerable and wouldn’t mind a cuddle. A lot of sports play on a Sunday and men like their ‘me time’ too at the end of their weekends. It’s a sure way to indicate you are into them as you’re inviting them into your personal space. Dead giveaway! Plus Sundays are for junk food and movies with gal-pals and the special someone, not just one of the ‘fun buddies’.  

7.                             Don’t ever invite him to do menial things

I feel like I shouldn’t even need to say this but some women don’t know… No boyfriend, let alone a ‘fun buddy’, likes to come along to pick up dry cleaning or shopping for ANYTHING. Unless the guy is completely into you, and even then it’s iffy, he will detest being dragged about doing random, unenjoyable stuff with you.   

8.                             Don’t get him involved in the mundane activities of your life.

Don’t go on about how horrible your boss is or how irritating your girlfriend was. He doesn’t care. He won’t remember half the time and 9/10 times he’s only half listening. Engage him on the things you both like? Talk about what interests you, sport, holiday destinations and opinions on things you’re both passionate about, just keep the topic neutral.  

So ladies, if you haven’t cracked the dating scene then not to worry as the single scene holds a plethora of fun and exciting prospects to have fun with! Sydney is full of them! Just jump right in and maybe you will actually find a pearl when you least expect it!

Why Women Should Lie About Their Age

As women get older we look to the finer things in life to provide us with comfort and contentment; the perfected coffee, an expensive coat to slip into on a cold night, a Persian carpet to welcome our tired feet or a delicious meal and expensive champagne with girlfriends to satisfy our carnal needs for gossip and unadulterated alcohol fuelled fun. We look to established, matured and experienced connoisseurs for advice. Designer brands that have influenced our dressing style for decades, a restaurant that has the reputation and experience to deliver on our tastebuds’ demands or a 20 year old bottle of wine. Time teaches us that very rarely can something new and untried deliver over experience, years of dedication and hard fought reputation. 

Like wine, men get better with age. The saying that women mature faster then men is unfortunately true, they seem to live on another planet to their gender counterparts. Post the tiresome twenties, men come into their bloom between 32-35 years of age. They have this subtle confidence and mature sexuality that just leaps across the room, far more than a baby-faced 25 year old boy. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good toy boy every now and again but, as with toys, you either break them or get tired of playing with them. Such is life. Men on the other hand, never seem to get tired of playing with them.



I was enjoying a glass of wine with a friend, Mr. X, the other night and we were discussing the intricacies of life, which included relationships. I mentioned how I had seen multiple articles about there being a global shortage of eligible/marriageable men for career women. Ever since the apocalyptic feminist era that changed, forever, the way women were viewed in the workforce, at home and even on some sporting fields, women have circumvented the marriage card in pursuit of power and success. Once at a level of self gratification, their long list of ‘the ideal man’ criteria coupled with their ever escalating age, leaves them alienated from the single game. Mr. X told me how men like him, financially successful, self assured and attractive, were tired of needy women. How, every relationship with women of a similar age, increasingly led to the necessity for something more. He said, past a certain age, women become so desperate to settle down, they become these relationship starved harpies, who latched their claws in through sheer panic that their body clocks were ticking away and would cease before they had procreated. Simply… they prefer to date younger women. All of his friends, roughly 35, were all dating 25 year olds.

It made complete sense to me. Less baggage, a tighter ass, less demanding and old enough to be entertaining but young enough still have a few good years on her. In a ‘global shortage’ of men, males are spoilt for choice in their selection of the ever expanding variety of women to choose from. They have a far greater age range to pick from than most women would deem respectable. Why on earth would they want to settle down when they can have the time of their lives without the boredom of a relationship, and have it with a smoking hot 23 – 25 year old! Career women, in their late twenties are in for a surprise if they think that just because they now have the brains and well articulated conversations to bring to the table that men will drop at their feet. It’s almost the complete opposite. Men want a handbag just as much as a woman does; his is just one with a great set of legs and doesn’t expect a diamond necklace for her birthday or an engagement ring after two years.  It’s sad to think that beautiful, smart and entertaining women are made to feel unworthy or unappreciated because of the deluge of young, short skirted and fake breasted women that men now seem to be choosing. What ever happened to wife material or the perfect girlfriend?  Hopefully there are still a few out there that appreciate those that will make excellent partners when the looks fade.

I on the other hand… when in Rome…

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

Delving into the gossip and news of my Facebook wall this morning, while I sipped my vanilla latte, I was not surprised to see that my home country had made the news again, for something far from the 1995 Rugby World Cup Mandela story. Zuma had made the headlines because of his upcoming nuptials to his 6^th wife. (Zuma News Story) Polygyny in South Africa is legal and very much part of the Zulu culture, where it has been used to create political alliances and reinforce the perception of power for a tribe’s leader throughout history. It got me thinking, even though polygyny is not a common practice in western cultures, its concept is not completely unfamiliar.

I was on Skype the other day with a few of my girlfriends from around the globe and as always we were discussing our male counterparts with much gusto. I was surprised to uncover something from our discussions.  A common practice that which men have only partaken in in the past seems to be fast becoming the norm for the modern woman. It seems that the era where only men fraternize with multiple partners and eschew the mundanity of a girlfriend or wife for as long as possible has come to an end. Due to the increasing number of empowered women and lessening of the suitable gentlemen or ideal partner, women are engaging in the same dating tactics that men have been renown for throughout history.

Women have been expected to be vigilant of their virtue and maintain the sexual morality of a nun in times past. Not something I completely disagree with in this day and age where pregnancies, STDs and even riskier illnesses are so rife amongst the young. However, it led to a limited frame of mind when it came to the dating scene where women only reserved themselves for one gentleman to see where that romance led before putting their heart back together and trying again with the next suitor. Men had the benefit of society not looking upon them with a condemning eye if they were to ‘sew their seed’. Rather it was advantageous for them as they were seen as a ‘stud’ to bed so many ‘lucky’ ladies.

So, post discussions with my friends, I took it upon myself to investigate this new approach by women. I was very pleasantly surprised to hear from quite a few ladies that they are of the same mindset. Traditionalist thinking where women only date one person at a time and go through the rigmarole of “courting” has flown the coop and we are left with an even playing field amongst the sexes. It’s now not unusual for women these days to have 3 or 4 dates a week, maybe even two in one day.

I find the thought that women are not waiting to be asked out on a date but proactively going out and making it happen for themselves liberating. Why the hell not. I have been of the same mind for quite some time and only recently since coming to Sydney have felt that it wasn’t tabooed to do so. I think men are luckier for it, not as much pressure from the girl for something to happen after every date and just the general attitude that men can just get to know someone over dinner and have some fun without the thought that women are thinking the may be the next long term boyfriend. 


So… happy dating all, and ladies, good on ya Sheilas!